I made a promise to my grandfather many years ago that I would share his story. The problem was, I didn’t know his story. He passed away and he never shared a word about it. I know this might sound a bit strange, but this didn’t deter me- a promise is a promise- and almost 10 years after I made that promise, I was on a yoga mat in childs pose at a weekend retreat when I heard his voice telling me “It’s time. Stop letting your self-doubt and fears get in the way, just write. Share our story.” It was then I realized that he wanted me to share OUR story- the story of our relationship and how my struggles in many ways mirrored his and that by sharing OUR story, we might hope to help someone else along the way.
When I was a kid, I loved visiting my grandparents. They lived in Florida and we lived in Missouri so it wasn’t very often we got to see them, but it was always magical when we did. Despite the fact that they lived in Florida, he never went to the beach with us. I didn’t understand as a kid, but when I got older, a little wiser, and a bit more curious, my mom shared that he likely suffered from Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). He was a sailor in WWII and fought in the battles of Okinawa and Iwo Jima. The magnitude of what such a young man (who was too young to join the military but lied about his age in order to enlist) witnessed and experienced during the war is unimaginable. And I don’t pretend to know exactly how he felt, but I do know that he isn’t the only one to return home changed after war.
When I was in High School, we had an essay assignment of a topic of our choice. Something we had to research. Because of my relationship with my grandfather, I felt compelled to write about Combat Stress. The paper detailed the rising awareness of the mental effects of war, and how over the years from WWI to WWII to Vietnam, soldiers would return from war and not be the same. How what once was called shell shock, later became known as combat stress, and then finally what we know today as Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). I read so many books on combat that year. Most notably, “The Things They Carried,” by Tim O’brien, which highlighted the emotional burden that soldiers carry from war. I’ll never forget how deeply impacted I was by this newfound intense obsession with war and knew I wanted to eventually help people with PTSD. So, I went to college to study social work as a stepping stone to a path that would eventually lead me to help service members suffering that way.
After graduating college, though, I felt like a fraud. I didn’t feel like studying from books would ever give me enough credibility to help service members with PTSD. So, I did what any totally normal person would do to gain credibility- I joined the military. A year after I graduated college, I became a Marine Officer and was immediately sent to Okinawa, Japan. I knew my grandfather had a lot to do with that decision and could feel his presence with me as my military carrier unfolded. I spent the majority of my career in Okinawa or traveling and doing bilateral training with other countries’ militaries- to include the Philippines, Thailand, and South Korea. I also had the opportunity to tour Iwo Jima and see the Island that undoubtedly changed my grandfathers life. And then, I deployed to Afghanistan.
This deployment changed me in so many ways. One, I knew that my time in the military was coming to a close. I could just feel something deep down pulling me away from he military towards a new life. Two, I discovered that the men and women you spend every day with for seven months in that type of an environment become more like family and there are just certain things that no one else besides them will ever really understand about that experience. And finally, I couldn’t put my finger on it just quite yet, but I was different and I couldn’t fully explain it. It wasn’t until I got on the plane that flew me back home and took one of the first big deep breaths that I had in the past seven months that I got my first glimpse into what was about to unravel.
I applied for an got accepted into Bastyr University’s Naturopathic Medical Program and started my studies to become an Naturopathic Doctor (ND). This was my first experience with civilians after five years in the military. And these civilians were a bunch of organic, crunchy, peaceful, yoga-loving hippies- and I say that with the utmost love because my classmates are incredible, brilliant, talented Doctors and amazing human beings; but, it was a bit of a shock to go from being surrounding by Jarheads everyday to that. After getting to know some of them better and feeling more at home just having casual normal civilian conversations, some of my own personal life started spilling out in regular conversations. I don’t remember how or why this even came up, but one day I shared that I couldn’t go to bed each night unless I checked and re-checked my condition 1 pistol on my bedside table. The looks I got at that moment made me stop and wonder what was so crazy that all of their jaws were dropped and you could have heard a pin drop a mile away. Turns out, that wasn’t normal behavior. The thing is, I was living with husband, who was also a Marine. So for us, that was totally normal.
Our campus in San Diego was not far from the Marine Air Base, Miramar, and helicopters would frequently fly over it. I would get so irritable in class when I heard a helicopter fly by. I couldn’t understand why it would piss me off so much but it would take 30-40 minutes for me to settle back down and be able to pay attention to the instructor again.
My husband and I flew to Michigan that year to re-visit my old college campus, and at the football game after they scored a touchdown they’d shoot off the cannons. This was a new development since I attended the school so we were both completely unprepared. No one else seemed phased at all, but both my husband and I flinched and nearly flung ourselves to the ground wondering the what hell was happening. We were angry at the circumstance and visibly upset -why in the world would anyone shoot off cannons?
About two years into the ND program, I went to a Functional Neurology conference in Nevada. At each of these conferences, key speakers give lectures on different neurology related topics and in-between there are cool new gadgets and the latest tech to test out in the lobby. At one point I found myself hooked up to a machine that simultaneously measured your brainwaves and your hear-rate variability (HRV) as various noises were streamed through headphones. Most of the noises were meant to mimic everyday life- birds signing, people talking, the sounds of traffic or kids on a playground, and then there was something that was supposed to induce panic or fear, like screaming, shouting, or gun shots. The measurements taken create a graph that showed the function of your parasympathetic and sympathetic nervous system (the rest and digest and fight or flight, respectively) and your HRV. A healthy nervous system is in the parasympathetic state the majority of the time and then shifts into sympathetic as stimulated by unsafe cues in our environment. Once that fear stimulus has passed, your body easily shifts back to parasympathetic. And in conjunction, the greater your HRV the healthier you are, generally speaking. When I got out of the chair and looked at the Neurologist for feedback, he just stared at me very concerned and asked if I was ok. I felt fine, like nothing had changed from when I started the test to after. He proceeded to tell me that I have no HRV and that my parasympathetic nervous system was basically not functioning. The graph showed that my “normal” baseline was starting out in the sympathetic and that only a tiny little blip even higher into more sympathetic activation occurred as I heard the gun shots, and it never dropped back down.
Not long after that trip, I took a Cranio-sacral Technique (CST) class, specifically structured to teach somato-emotional release. The theory behind this technique is related to Dr. John Upledger’s book Cell Talk. According to Dr. Upledger, our cells and tissues have memories and can store information from traumatic events. CST helps to release stored, stuck emotions that physically get trapped in the body. The instructor opened the class by quoting a research study that had been conducted on Israeli soldiers and the factors that contribute to PTSD. The result of the study was that the length in a combat zone was positively correlated with the percentage of soldiers being diagnosed with PTSD. This particular study stated that it was not a specific event or amount of traumatic events, but merely the length of time in the combat zone that impacted the soldiers the most. It was something like 30% of the soldiers were diagnosed at 2 months, 40% at 3 months, 50% at 4 months and so one until the magic number for 100% was seven months. For anyone not in the military, the minimum deployment length for almost all services and units is seven months. Most spend a year or more.
Now, take this with a grain of salt because it was just one study and it is just a correlation, and I did not save the study so I don’t have it to reference. But it resonated really deeply with me and I do believe that despite each persons different perspectives and experiences and vastly different personalities, the human nervous system cannot withstand a long-term exposure to a continuously stressful stimulus without incurring some sort of negative consequence.
In that same class we worked on a technique called the amygdala release. The amygdala is a lovely little part of our brain that known as the fear center. We were partnered up and I was the test subject first, so I was lying down on a massage table as my partner gently put her hands on my head at the end of the table. I was so tired I felt like falling asleep but all of sudden out of nowhere I started sobbing uncontrollably and my whole body started shaking. The teacher came over to our table to help assist my partner because I think she was a bit taken back by the response. I sobbed and shook for nearly 15 minutes straight. It was such a bizarre and strange experience, but after that I felt so peaceful. I felt like a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders. My partner shared with me that she got the feeling as she was performing the technique that it seemed like I had been carrying the responsibility for the lives of a large group of people. I knew immediately she was referring to my deployment. I was the company commander of over 120 Marines and Sailors and never fully expressed to anyone the stress of that responsibility. Every night in Afghanistan I would go to bed thanking God that everyone had survived that day and would pray that it could stay that way the following day, that I would never have to write a letter home to anyone’s parents. I had unknowingly been still carrying that weight with me- like it had imprinted or ingrained itself in my subconscious. I had just assumed after the deployment that since we all made it home safely and relatively unharmed that there was no way I could have any negative lasting effects.
My body was permanently stuck in that sympathetic “fight or flight” mode. My body generated a new baseline of normal- one that seemed completely relaxed and peaceful (like being in parasympathetic state) but with having the neurotransmitters and hormones of a continuous sympathetic overdrive. I was wired but exhausted all the time. I was easily irritable and angry, and I was having more digestive issues that I care to admit.
It might not seem like a big deal, and even to me at the time, I didn’t give it much credence at first; however, the deeper my medical school studies dove into understanding the role of the autonomic nervous system -which encompasses the sympathetic and parasympathetic systems, and all the disorders and health effects a dysfunctional system may contribute to, I realized how important it was to start healing. The following signs and symptoms can all be correlated with a dysfunctional autonomic nervous system: (and this list is by no means exhaustive)
- Fatigue
- Anxiety
- Depression
- Irritability
- Dry mouth or eyes
- Cold hands and feet
- Stomach pain and digestive issues to include, but not limited to:
- Irritable Bowel Syndrome
- Constipation
- Food-sensitives or allergies
- Insomnia
- High blood pressure
- Anger management issues
- Chronic inflammation
- Chronic infections
- Autoimmune disorders
My story is just that- a story. It may not resonate with you and your experience, and that’s okay. If something I said hit home and makes you wonder if possibly you might need help regulating your nervous system, then continue reading. If you have exhausted the conventional options or just want to try something new, there are many tools and techniques and healing modalities that have been, and continue to be, a part of my healing journey. Keep in mind that this isn’t a one-size-fits-all type of approach. If something works for you, great! If it doesn’t, thats okay too. And some days, things that worked previously, may not. Try something new and honor where you are at in that particular moment, without judgment. Be kind to yourself. That’s the first step. Awareness of a possible root cause gives you a great starting point for your healing journey. You are not “weak,” you simply may have a nervous system that could use some care.
The following list is a great starting point. I have included many links for further reading or for purchasing books, and this is all strictly for your own awareness- I have no affiliation with any of these recommendations:
Modalities I have personally used to help physically release stuck traumatic memories from the body:
Bach Flower Remedies
I created my own tailored remedy surrounding my fears at night and inability to sleep without a loaded pistol within reach. The progress I made was astounding. Within the first week, I took the magazine out and set it in the drawer on the stand the weapon was on. Then, a week after that, I put the whole weapon away in its carrying case (it was still near my bed within reach). A month after I started the therapy, I locked the case and stowed it away in my closet. I felt so much relief and peace at night and as a result my sleep improved as well.
Bach Flower remedies are created from 38 different wildflowers. These remedies positively effect our emotions and offer a gentle healing approach to help restore emotional balance. They are simple, easy to use, and 100% natural and safe. You can make your own personally tailored combination or start out by trying the Rescue Remedy, which is a combination of 5 different flowers that is tailored to help with everyday stress or emergency traumatic situations.
- Here is a great article about PTSD and Bach flowers:
https://www.bachflower.com/post-traumatic-stress-disorder-ptsd-2/
Homeopathy
Homeopathy is a natural form of ancient medicine that can be traced back as far as 400BC to the greek physician Hippocrates; however, It wasn’t until the late 18th century that a German doctor named Samual Hahnemann developed and used it as the treatment we currently know today as homeopathic medicine. He discovered that if a substance causes a symptom in a healthy individual, then giving someone an extremely diluted or “potentized” form of that same substance to a person experiencing that same symptom may cure the illness. This is known as the principle of “like cures like”. Another way to describe this principle is to use the physics example of frequencies cancelling each other out. If you have two pure tones of the same frequency and intensity and they collide, they will cancel each other out. Homeopathy is a lot like trying to “match” the frequency of a remedy to the frequency of someones symptoms so that they cancel each other out. If a remedy does not work, then it means that that particular remedy was not the best fit for the patient. Finding the “right” remedy can be tricky, but when the remedy is the right fit, the results are incredible.
- https://homeopathy.org/about-homeopathy/ -
- You can search using this link to find a trained homeopath: https://homeopathy.org/registered-homeopaths-directory/
- Many holistic practitioners are also trained in Homeopathy to include Naturopathic Doctors.
Cranio-Sacral Treatment (CST)
CranioSacral Therapy (CST) is a gentle, hands-on method of evaluating and enhancing the functioning of a physiological body system called the craniosacral system comprised of the membranes and cerebrospinal fluid that surround and protect the brain and spinal cord. Using a soft touch generally no greater than 5 grams, or about the weight of a nickel, practitioners release restrictions in the craniosacral system, which has been shown to improve the functioning of the central nervous system, as well as many other systems of the body, such as digestive, musculoskeletal, respiratory, circulatory, and more. CST has also been shown to help with the physical components related to such somatic conditions as Post Traumatic Stress, depression and anxiety.”
https://www.upledger.com/courses/discover
Access bars
"Access Bars are 32 points on your head that, when gently touched, effortlessly and easily release the thoughts, ideas, beliefs, emotions, and considerations that stop you from creating a life you love.”
https://www.accessconsciousness.com/en/micrositesfoldr/accessbars/
Access consciousness tools and techniques - https://www.accessconsciousness.com/en/about/
Sound healing
Nikola Tesla stated that “if you want the secrets of the Universe, think in terms of energy, frequency, and vibration.” A healthy human body resonates around 65-78 MHz; whereas, a diseased body from 57 MHz and below. In order to raise your vibration, you can listen to certain frequencies (often called healing frequencies) on any music streaming device from your own home or you can attend a sound bath session. During a sound bath session, many different instruments may be played, such as Tibetan and/ or crystal singing bowls, gongs, drums, tuning forks, chimes, pipes, and others. During the session, “the oscillation, or resonance, of molecules, triggered by the sound vibrations cause alternating compression and relaxation of cells. It is, in effect, a form of massage at a cellular level deep within the tissue undergoing the treatment” (https://www.academyofsoundhealing.com/).
Other modalities I have heard about (but have not personally tried):
Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR)
Tapping
Biofeedback
Other options to help increase the parasympathetic nervous system activity:
Stimulating the vagus nerve to up-regulate the parasympathetic system:
- Gargling for 30 or more seconds
- Massaging the area behind your ear and down your neck
- Humming
Breath Work
One of the simplest ways to calm the nervous system is through breath work. One method I like (because it’s easy to remember and works for me) is the box-breathing method. For this, you pretend like you are breathing around a box. So, breathe in slowly for 4 seconds (up the side of the box)- then hold the breath for 4 seconds (across the top of the box), then breathe out slowly for 4 seconds (down the other side of the box), and lastly, hold for 4 seconds (back to the beginning). Once you start this process, it takes your mind off the stimulating experience and pulls you back in to your body to be aware of how you are reacting. This enables you to essentially pause, take a step back, and look at the situation more clearly.
Journaling
Listening to a guided meditation
Yoga and Yoga Nidra
The Silva Method
Aromatherapy
Sauna
Don’t forget about the basics!
Eating regular meals:
Blood sugar regulation is hugely important to healing a stressed out body! When you have a drop in blood sugar, cortisol is released and the cascade of epinephrine, norepinephrine, adrenaline (all part of the sympathetic nervous system) begins, sabotaging any of the other techniques you may be trying to increase the parasympathetic nervous system.
Nutrition to support chronic stress:
Eating a variety of organic colorful fruits and vegetables daily will increase your chances of getting the proper nutrients for healing and for nervous system regulation. Whenever possible, choose clean proteins from grass-fed, free-range, organic meats (if not vegetarian or vegan). Food dyes, pesticides, additives, and preservatives have all been shown in studies to increase inflammation in the gut, which due to the gut-brain axis, also increases inflammation in the brain. Consuming these processed food ingredients is like adding more fuel to the fire.
Sleep:
This admittedly is a tough one. I think it’s likely not news to you how important getting a good nights sleep is; yet, with any sort of stress or nervous system dysregulation, sleep is often the first thing to go, perpetuating the cycle. Until you can address the root cause of the disturbance, you might want to consider some gentle support to help you get as much sleep as possible. I have found these things to be helpful for me:
- Magnesium supplements and/or epsom salt baths
- Nervine Herbs such as chamomile, passionflower, lemon balm, and Lavender
- Reducing blue light exposure from TVs, cell phones, and lights at least one hour before bed
- Establishing a consistent bed time and bedtime routine
- Using guided meditations or Yoga Nidra
Being mindful of drugs and Alcohol:
Stimulating drugs like tobacco and caffeine can push an already taxed nervous system over the edge. Alternatively, alcohol adds another stress the body has to work to overcome to return to homeostasis. Any of these, and other mood-alternating substances, may make your
healing journey longer and more challenging. Being aware of how they affect you personally and attempting to limit their use can bring you that much closer to being at peace within your own body.
Further guides, information, and other resources:
Herbs for Stress and adrenal support:
- American Ginseng
- Ashwaganda
- Rhodiola
- Licorice root
- Schisandra
- Maca
Books:
- Trauma-Releasing Exercises- a Guidebook by David Berceli
- When the Body Says No by Dr. Gabor Mate
- The Body Keeps the Score by Dr. Bessel Van Der Kolk
- Breath by James Nestor
- Becoming Supernatural by Dr. Joe Dispense
- Cell Talk by Dr. Upledger
Podcasts and meditations:
- Drop it like it’s Doc- Dr. DeLuna podcast on nervous system regulation
- Dr. Joe Dispenza- He has a multitude of guided mediations available on his website
The information in this article is not intended as medical advice or to be used to treat or diagnose any condition. This is strictly provided for general informational and educational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional medical advice. Please consult with your Naturopathic or Integrative Doctor before proceeding.
*******UPDATED to add additional resources from people who have reached out to me to share their own personal journey and what has worked for them******
My goal is to make this a running list of resources and support. I have not personally tried the following but have heard from others who have found this helpful:
1. Therapeutic medicinal Cannabis- I know this may be challenging for some as the legality varies by State. Also, this is not something for those who are still active duty. If this is something that might interest you, I cannot offer any further information myself as I am by no means an expert in this area, but I do know of a a great resource that can point you in the right direction:
- https://www.cannacaresmd.com/
If you have found something else that works for you, I'd love to hear about it! Comment below and let me know so others can benefit as well :)
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